Nina Halim

The past few months have been quite a sponge for rumours. And these stories concerning myself somehow made their way to my ears. Some made me laugh immediately, some made me go ‘WTF!’ and then laugh. At the end of it, it always made me laugh – people are amusing on so many levels.

One of the more recent ones going around the block would be the reason behind the sudden and hush hush solemnization of my marriage. No, it was not because I got pregnant. I am still not pregnant and have no plans to be until I go up on that dais for the whole traditional shindig of a wedding next year end.

And then there’s the endless speculation over my weight. This is the one I’m most sick and tired of. No, I’m not on a diet! The next person who lamely says, “Omg why are you so thin? Diet eh?” is going to get “Diet otak kau, bodoh!” as the most polite reply. If you got something like “Are you really concerned or are u just secretly jealous?”, it means I have never liked you in the first place. If you got “Either strike up a real conversation or shut the F up”, you got me on a really bad day.

And bladdy hell, neither am I a bulimic, an anorexic or a junkie! Why don’t you try running a startup, sleep at odd hours (if you sleep at all) and try low blood pressure while you’re at it. My weight and health issues are all stress related. I have been working 7 days a week for some years! Just to make up for all the years some important people in my life thought I’ve been a good for nothing wreck who’s wasting potential and precious time. Well guess what that brought me? STRESS. Low blood pressure, shaking and fainting. Panic attacks, chronic eczema, stye, bad skin, eyebags, and the list goes on. And to keep up with this hectic schedule of a life, I am on a heavy caffeine diet garnished with lots of nicotine. There, I said it. My parents will kill me for going public with this but what the heck… I’d rather have people gossip about me smoking and how uncultured it is for a Malay girl to smoke and all that blah blah than spreading untrue stories about me being so thin because I am a junkie! But this doesn’t mean I condone smoking or that I am proud of it. I hide when I have to smoke just so you judgemental folks don’t have to say I’m setting a bad example to the kids. And kids, don’t try it if you haven’t. It’s not good for your body and it will be very hard to get rid of the habit when you finally realize how bad it is.

But the point is I don’t enjoy being this scrawny. Do you think I think it’s tres chic to have all my bones sticking out of my shoulders, no ass, no bosom walking around getting blown in the wind?

Stop speculating over my weight. I will gain weight when I will.

But this latest story annoyed me as hell at first. But I still find people amusing.

Friend: So it’s true you’re married.

Me: You obviously don’t read the papers.

Friend: I didn’t know when this old couple told me something. If not, I could’ve defended you.

Me: Told you what?

Friend: They said, “Anak Halim tu, jahat betul eh dia (Halim’s daughter is such a bad girl).” So I asked them why they would say such a thing. They said, “We saw her with a white guy”. I defended you by telling them that you run a business and perhaps it was your client. But they said, “No, they were at Clarke Quay and she was hugging the white dude, very intimate”. I asked them, “Are you sure?” They said, “Yes!!! She was with an OLD white guy!”

First of all, because of things like this that I anticipated people might say, I can very confidently say before my husband and I were legally married, we didn’t even hold hands in public. I specifically made sure of this. And I can have any friend of mine to back me up on this. You can even ask my husband personally. Sometimes he doesn’t even walk next to me before we were married because he was uncomfortable with the looks you judgemental people gave him. So if you saw me being affectionate as hell with a white dude, that must’ve been after I was married. And I don’t remember ever being with an old white dude. My husband may have a receding hairline but he’s not old for sure. And I live near Clarke Quay, so if you saw me trying to sneak a squeeze on his ass while on the escalator, we must’ve been on our way to the supermarket. And my ass squeezing is none of your business. I hope to be squeezing it till death.

Now secondly, I hate this double standard bullshit of what’s accepted and what’s not. You’re worried about me, a grown woman. There are 14 year old Malay kids hugging and kissing in public! There are girls in hejab making out with their boyfriends in parks and you’re worried about me? What a bladdy joke. Previously when I was dating Malay guys and holding hands in public, how is it that I never received a comment about it? There are other Malay celebrities doing just the same to their partners without being married, why is it no issue? Just because I’m with a Caucasian you find it easier to pick on us?

This old couple, whoever they are… you folks obviously don’t read the newspaper either. Initially, when my parents were interviewed for their roles in Pinggiran Ramadan and they mentioned  about my marriage at the end of the article, I got put off because I felt it was unnecessary. But I fully grasp now why it is so important to make such a big hoo haa if you got married. So that as many people can be informed thus avoiding such defamation. But you know, not every celebrity likes the idea of publicizing their personal life or putting everything they do outside of their jobs on display (even amalan and ibadah). What do u want me to do? Buy airtime to announce my marriage? Sheesh. Dude, a few weeks ago, I was discussing working relationship with my husband in BH article! Still doesn’t suffice apparently.

It’s just too bad the news didn’t reach some people. But I think even if people were unsure of facts, shouldn’t they be asking around first before making a statement like “Jahat betul anak Halim tu eh!”

And here’s another thing, if you have bad things to say about me leave my father’s name out of it. I am a grown woman. If you don’t even know my name which consists of 2 syllables, don’t even talk about me.

And I don’t get it. What kind of people are so dense to think that off screen I am supposed to be a replica of the role ‘Mummy’ I played in Anak Metropolitan. “Eh lain eh you kat luar.” Sometimes I feel like saying, “Eh bodoh eh you“. And I am 30 years old. I am not 18 or 21. Thank you for the compliment but it’s not helping me when other folks saw me with a 31 year old white dude who just so happens to be my lawful husband. I blame the repeat telecasts actually.

Whoever reading this, next time you want to talk about some celebrity, have some thought first. You don’t know how you’re affecting them. Sometimes it’s trivial but sometimes it causes disputes. I’ve had too many with my parents since I was a kid just because someone insisted it was me they saw doing so and so. I know some people would just dismiss it by saying “Hey, you asked for it. This is what comes with fame.” Well, I didn’t ask to be famous. I was born to famous parents. But if I were to live with this kinda bullshit my entire life just because my parents decided to be famous, I might as well get my own fame with my name on it. Feels more worth it.

It’s amazing still though that these days when I mind my own business, stay out of trouble, stay out of any scene, stay out of the streets as much as possible, stay at home, work as much as possible, do as many productive and positive things… there’s still shit people have to say. I may have had a notorious past. May have been that mischievous girl, half of what you heard back in the days were probably true… but I would say I’ve come a long way in rediscovering and reinventing myself. And that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Make mistakes, learn and live on.

Well… here’s my closing. Sibuk kumpul pahala, tapi tak sedar ke dosa menyebarkan fitnah pupuskan pahala yang dikumpulkan. Kalau cerita yang disebarkan tu benar, itu namanya mengumpat. Kalau cerita tu tak benar, itu namanya fitnah. Kedua-duanya pun berdosa juga. Tak sedar ke menyebarkan berita buruk tentang orang lain, membocorkan rahsia orang lain, mencari kesalahan dan keaiban orang lain tu pun berdosa juga? Kalau nak sangat judge saya tentang merokok, judge la saya berdasarkan dosa merosakkan badan saya (sama level dengan pakcik-pakcik lain yang tak tinggal solat tapi merokok), bukan kerana saya wanita Melayu di mana pada pandangan umum ‘tidak manis dipandang kalau wanita merokok’. Kalau iye pun saya jahat la sangat, saya tak sibuk mengumpat atau buat fitnah tentang anak makcik.

So no need to play self righteous. We’re ALL guilty of something.

Related posts:

1. Post solemnisation
2. Point & Plot
3. Halal Anonymous
4. 1 decade later